some of you might be wondering why i've been such a downer lately. i'm usually pretty vague about it in chat because i don't want to drag everybody's mood down lol but heres why. moving here has been nothing but a disaster. nothing good has happened since i got here.

my horses have been leased out because i literally have nowhere for them. it's all legal and everything, contracts and all. it's a lease with possible buy. i haven't seen them in weeks. i miss them terribly but if the girl is gonna end up buying them it's probably best that i don't make it harder for myself than it already is. i don't know why i bothered getting them in the first place, i should have known it would turn to crap like everything else.

i found out that whiskey has a grade 3 mast cell tumor. it's spreading so aggressively that there's pretty much nothing we can do but make him as comfortable as possible and my vet wants me to make the call if i think it's getting too much for him. he has good days and bad days. the good days are great, he's like his old self i almost forget. his bad days vary from "damn he's not feeling very good today" to "i think today has to be the day" and i hate it. i don't want to let him suffer unnecessarily but i also don't want to make a hasty decision and call our vet in. i don't know. i called danny and asked him to help me through this and he literally doesn't care. he told me the dog isn't his problem anymore and accused me of just wanting money to cover the vet bills. i don't want his fucking money i just thought he might want to help give whiskey a little support. apparently i was wrong. i have a friend coming from bathurst to stay with me for a while because i'm literally on my own with this. i wanted to live alone but i'm not stupid enough to ignore the fact that i'm gonna need someone here when whiskey's time comes.

this house is a dump. i hate it and i'm stuck here for 6 months. i can't wait to move. it reeks of dog or cat urine, it's infested with cockroaches (fucking big ones too) and ants and i'm pretty sure it has mice. we're coming into the cooler months now and this place doesn't have a heater. the real estate said the carpets were freshly steam cleaned before i moved in but the bin in my roomba that was entirely jam packed with dirt, dust and animal hair after just one single run tells me a very different story. i only took this dump because i don't have a real estate agent rental history and if i want a chance of getting approved for a nice rental through a real estate i'm gonna need one. but i think i'll just go private again. i hate real estate agents. i really do.

finally, sam was stolen from me. i had to bug bomb this dump because there was enormous cockroaches all over everything (including me, while i was asleep) and i couldn't deal. so i put sam outside in the backyard in his big cage, and put a chain and lock on it just in case because i'm paranoid. i had to go out for a bit and let the bug bombs do their thing and run some errands at the same time. when i got back no more than a couple of hours later, the chain had been cut off sam's cage and he was gone.

so all i have right now is whiskey and zoe. and soon it will just be zoe. i have a storage shed with most of my shit in it, maybe once i've let whiskey go i should put the rest of my stuff in there and just go. i have nothing tying me here or in bathurst anymore. i could get my car serviced and just hit the road with zoe and see where we end up.

Ash, I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this... That is absolutely horrible. I really hope you find Sam. ):

Omg Ash :( I'm heartbroken for you. I can't believe people can be so shitty :( I'm here if ever you need me.

I'm so sorry to hear all of this :(. I hope things get better for you soon.

Oh Shae! :(
I'm sorry to hear about all of this!

Thanks guys.

I'll be ok, I just needed to vent lol. Whiskey is having a particularly good day today so i'm in a pretty good mood myself. I know i'll be better once i'm not sick anymore, too.

I'm just taking every day as it comes right now.

oh my goodness, shae, I'm so sorry!! What a horrible series of events for you to happen, much less, all at once like this. ;_; We are all here for you!!

ugh, ash! People can be so crappy! I'm so so so sorry :(

I don't know how it is there, but you may be able to break your lease early if they misled you about having cleaned the place...

Come to America and I will take care of you and your puppers! ♥

Oh  I'm sorry to hear this sweetheart, we are all here for you, whenever you need us.
Hope life gets better for you sooner than later.
If you need an ear I am here too .

Sorry to hear this. We are here for you.