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Seeking advice.
 .::.Gallium.::. || Drum line ββ‘ January 11th, 2013 10:29:47pm 6 Posts |
Hey guys. I know this is going to be random. I'm 22 years old, and recently i've been debating on if i should meet my bio dad or not. i found out about him when i was 18, so you can imagine how awkward that was, my dad doesnt know that im thinking about doing this, and i dont think im going to tell him. i think it would crush him...the only contact me and my bio dad have done is text, i'm super scared...but i know i have to do this sooner or later, i cant hold it off...has any one else been through this? do you guys have any experience with this kinda thing? how do you know if you're ready?? |
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Z.exious January 15th, 2013 3:14:20pm 400 Posts |
I've never been in a situation like this, or anything close to it...But I think the thing it comes down to is that every situation is different. And, above all else, you will know when you are ready. I'm sure there are organizations you can contact for support. And, of course, talking to friends/family to help you through difficult things is always a good idea. |
Absinthe .:.Pomeranians.:. January 24th, 2013 6:23:52pm 318 Posts |
Speaking from the standpoint of someone who is adopted, that is a decision that only you can make. My adoption was a closed one, so I have no idea who my biological parents are. I have known my whole life that I was adopted, so it was something that never bothered me. Granted, when I was younger (I'm 23 now), I thought about it. Like who are they, do they want to know me, should I go to the hospital and find out who they are (back where I'm from, you could do that when you turned 18). But ultimately, I decided that I didn't want to know. The 2 people who I've called mom and dad my whole life are my parents. They loved me, raised me, turned me into the person I am today. Do I still wonder who my biological parents are? Sure. But I know why I was put up for adoption. My birth parents were too young, not married, and couldn't financially take care of me and provide for me. But if you really want to meet this guy, I honestly think you should tell your dad. Even if you think it would hurt him. I think it would hurt him more if you went behind his back with something this big. If he has been good to you and has been there for you your whole life, let him in on this too. And as for having to do this sooner or later...why do you HAVE to? If you're not comfortable with it then you definitely shouldn't do it. Don't force yourself into a situation you aren't 100% comfortable with. Especially something this big.Sorry...that was really long. lol |
  Samantha - see page to know who to contact directly!January 25th, 2013 12:44:33am 4,333 Posts |
I do know my biological parents and while I have a relationship with my dad (he's kind of like an older brother), I don't have one with my mom, she's a raging alcoholic and is frankly a waste of my time and energy, so we don't speak. It's something you have to decide, but I will say that knowing what I know now it would probably be easier if I didn't know her. Then I could hold onto the fantasy of who she is and not know the reality of why she couldn't handle a kid. You know?I mean, he could be a great guy. But he could also be a huge disappointment and sometimes that's worse than not knowing. This is just my advice, your situation could be totally different from mine because you're a different person, but whoever you are, just be careful. Don't expect too much at first. Think of it like you're meeting a new person, or friend, or distant cousin, not like you're meeting your "dad". And you should definitely tell your dad, just explain he's your dad and always will be, but you need to meet your biological father in order to satisfy your curiosity. He will understand. |
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