Hey guys! So I just feel like I need somewhere to vent, and what better place than HP!

I struggle, and always have struggled, with my weight and I've been diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder). My BMI is 45.3, my current weight is 21st 4lbs and my goal weight is 12st.

My GP has prescribed me with a three month supply of Orlistat which, combined with a low-fat balanced diet and some exercise, should help with reducing my BMI and ultimately lose weight. If I am successful with Orlistat, I will be referred for some cognitive counselling and (fingers crossed) by my 30th birthday in January 2023 I'll be at my GW.

Now, that all sounds great, but I've confided in my colleagues who are being very supportive but I feel like some are taking it too far. Due to my weight, my confidence is low, I struggle with knee pain (due to the weight) so I struggle with long walks and gym classes which, in time, I will get better at but I'm forced into 5 mile walks after work and my colleagues walk really fast, I can't keep up, they give me some tough love if I say 'no I'm not going to that HIIT class at the gym' and don't understand that I'm just not able to do it at the moment. 

I'm also a bit of an extroverted introvert. I work in sales, so have to be customer facing and social, but it drains my social battery and I like spending my weekends alone to re-charge. A comment was made today about how anti-social I am, and that I need a social hobby and it just got my hackles up a bit! 

The colleague in question is lovely and I don't want to offend her but I wish she'd tone it down a bit!

Rant over, lol.

Firstly, huge hugs because this is a difficult subject, and a hard thing to come to terms with - let alone confide in friends or colleagues.

Secondly, I am always available via messenger to talk about this stuff.  I struggle with weight due to my hormone imbalance, and I know how hard it it.

Knee pain and social burnout are very real factors for you to contend with.  If they are going too fast, it can be a detriment and make you feel lower than low because you aren't keeping up.  I wish I lived closer, I would walk slowly with you, and we coudl each bitch about our sore knees!

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to deal with these kinds of comments. Your long term health will take a real hit if you push your body too hard, too fast and end up damaging your joints; and beyond that, do they not realise how demoralising it is to be exercising in a group and struggling to keep up? That doesn't help anybody.

People do mean well in the sense that they're trying to be encouraging I guess? But everyone responds differently to different types of encouragement; I'm like you, I need time out after a lot of socialising (or even a little socialising right now!) and it never fails to frustrate me that introverts are always pushed to be more outgoing whilst extroverts are never told to take more time for themselves. Exercise for me has always been my time, like meditation. You have to be able to do things at your own pace and in a way that you can actually enjoy because otherwise it'll just burn you out and you'll never be able to really take joy in what your body is capable of, whatever that might be at any given moment.

-hugs-

As an introvert, I totally get you needing time to recharge. After a day surrounded by patients and coworkers, I am totally happy to just SIT at home and speak to no one after work. It's very hard to get any motivation to then get up and go to the gym after work even though I won't necessarily won't have to talk to anyone. xD I am always here as a listening ear if you ever need to rant further. ^^

I am kind of in the same boat as well. When I found out I was pregnant, I was still kind of fresh out the Marine Corps and I sat at a weight of 155lbs. While I was in the Corps, I was anywhere from 130-141 (max weight). Never went over. Well anyways, obviously I gained weight when I got out and got pregnant. I maxed out at a weight of 205lbs for my short stature at 5'3. 

Even after child birth, and a year later I still sit at 170lbs. My back is constantly hurting, so are my kneed and my feet (flat footed). So I completely get it. I wished I could see someone about my weight. People need to understand that what works for one may not work for another. 

I was always working out and in the gym. But that doesn't seem to work. Like even now even though I am not actively in the gym, I have a whole farm to feed everyday, a child to look after and of course normal household errands and things. This past weekend I pushed my body and literally walked over 6 miles/day for 5 days (visited orlando Disney and Universal for my bday). 

I don't feel confident anymore. I feel like I'm super fat.... I have thick thighs, big arms and a belly. My face is also fat and round and I absolutely HATE myself for it. I don't like going out because I feel like I am not as pretty as I used to be. 

So I hear you. Hopefully whatever your doctor has put you on will help you get on track for your journey! As far as your co-workers maybe just politely try and tell them how you feel about walking and keeping up (I struggled with that over my bday week). But good luck! 

Firstly, I am SO proud of you for being brave enough to speak up here on HP about the struggles your facing right now. That can be really intimidating. But this is always a safe space so know that your fellow players have your back!! 

Secondly, shame on them. I get that they are trying to give you tough love and encourage you - BUT. It takes time to build up your stamina/endurance, your breathing, and your pace. So, go at the pace that works for you. This is not a race. You only need to do your best! As long as you are doing your best every day, giving it your all - then I'm proud of you! Keep it up! Each day will get easier. It may seem like an endless spiral, but remember that each time you achieve something - you are getting up a level on that spiral! Maybe you can speak to her and say you understand that she is coming from a place of love and trying to help you - but you want her to be more realistic about that. Setting more realistic goals for yourself like time or pace during these walks. 

Thirdly, I completely understand what you mean about being an extroverted introvert. Customer Service jobs/ customer facing jobs are extremely draining. So, make sure that you're spreading some self love time in there too? Take time to decompress. Maybe a hot bath after your run/hike/walk - maybe just an hour of time for you to read a book you enjoy in a quiet enviroment or something else that makes you happy. Because being mentally drained like that can also drain your physical energy which makes it harder to stay motivated. Trust me.. I know this personally. You are not alone. 

Thank you to each of you for your lovely replies. I wasn't actually expecting any, I just needed to get it off my chest because as I was typing this up, I'd just been sent a link to a summer networking event that my colleague said would be good for me to go and meet people... lol. I humoured her at the time but I think I will have to say something soon, when the time and tone is right.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be going for a walk after work, which I have no issue with but I just want to go alone with a podcast. 

Baby steps, right? 

Listening to a podcast for your walk? Skyler approves! That sounds awesome! ♥ 
(the overprotective side of me just wants to remind you that if you wear headphones please walk somewhere that's safe or that you can still be aware of your surroundings! ♥ But I'm sure you already know this! ) 

Walking alone with music - As Sat said, remember to be safe about it!  I typically leave one off, or take a handy-dandy Tank with me (as nobody wants to bother a gal with a 200 lb mastiff).

Honestly, if you want a walking buddy from afar, I am 100% good for a regular text-in of walkies!  No socialization needed, just a pic of the ground :)