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MHM : Boundaries !

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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤
September 20th, 2021 2:45:49pm
2,766 Posts



Hello my fellow HP’ers ! I hope that you have been doing well and getting some rest over the weekend! Today, we are talking about a hot topic with Mental Health Monday : Setting Boundaries ! This is something that a lot of people struggle with and a lot of people could benefit from. So, let’s crack into it!

From the Depression and Bipolar Support alliance (https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/young-adults/8-tips-on-setting-boundaries-for-your-mental-health/ ) - Boundaries are defined as  :

Boundaries are defined rules or limits that someone establishes to protect their security and wellbeing around others. 


 


So, what are some boundaries that we can set and more importantly, how can we set them?
8 Tips from the DBSA (article linked above) are :
1. Give yourself permission to focus on yourself and prioritize putting yourself and your needs first. 


2. Practice self-awareness. Listen to your gut! Those gut feelings are your intuition trying to tell you something. 


3. Name your limits. Sit down, alone, and figure out what you will and won’t accept. How you will allow yourself to be treated and what you will not allow. 


4. Be consistent with the boundaries you set. 


5. Use “I - statements” if you aren’t sure where to start. If you find yourself saying “stop touching that and get out!” Instead say - “Please do not touch my belongings, I am not comfortable with that. I value privacy and when you go through my things without permission it invalidates that and makes me uncomfortable.” Now, this is just an example. Obviously you can adjust and say it as needed.
6. Be direct, be clear, and be simple! The more clear and concise you are - the better because that eliminates misunderstandings. 


7. Start small if you’re not feeling comfortable with asserting boundaries boldly!
8. If you need support, call in back up! Call up that trusted friend or family member to help you set those boundaries with others. 


 


A peer reviewed article from The Healthy - which further speaks on how to set boundaries :
https://www.thehealthy.com/mental-health/how-to-set-boundaries-mental-health/

A 10 minute video from @ The Holistic Psychologist on Youtube - a beginner’s guide to setting boundaries:
https://youtu.be/tUOvY6Lfm1A
For those who enjoy a good TedTalk - Sarri Gilman speaks on boundaries here :
https://youtu.be/rtsHUeKnkC8 


 


So, what are examples of some boundaries that you could set?
Maybe it’s a personal boundary :
- I will not work after 6pm each day. 




  • I will only spend 2 hours a day on social media 




  • I won’t spend money on fast food this week because I just bought groceries 




 


Maybe it’s a relationship/physical boundary: 




  • I am okay with getting to this base, but not going all the way. 




  • I am okay with being kissed but not anything further. 





There are tons of different types of boundaries and boundaries that you can set for yourself, for your relationship, for your family .. They are each valid and important!
But - make sure while making your boundaries that you are also being reasonable, respectful of others boundaries/willing to listen to other’s boundaries, being willing to compromise when compromise is needed, knowing what you will/won’t compromise on.. Etc.

I hope this helps! As always, my inbox is always open! The anonymous Google sheet is always open! This is a safe space. You are loved, you are valued, and you are important. Now go set some boundaries!!




 


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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤
September 20th, 2021 2:46:21pm
2,766 Posts

Bumping! Hope this helps! 




 

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Tragedy [too busy, no customs]
September 20th, 2021 2:48:55pm
685 Posts

thank you :) It is good to remember that boundaries are helppful not hurtful!




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤
September 20th, 2021 2:52:07pm
2,766 Posts

You're welcome! And yes, I feel like in this day/age - we forget to set boundaries! Especially myself because I work from home.. so it's easy to be available for tenants/owners 24/7 without realizing how much it infringes on my personal time. 




 

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Content Moderator ephemira 🌊 life is as inexorable as the sea
September 27th, 2021 7:56:47pm
4,084 Posts

boundaires have always been hard for me, and i'm still not really sure if i'm able to set them the way they need to be set? it's been a difficult road, even after i moved lol




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤
September 28th, 2021 10:41:56am
2,766 Posts

I used to have about 0 boundaries - now I have quite a few and it's honestly taken anxiety off of my shoulders because I know that that is what I am okay with allowing and what I won't put up with. So it's a clear line in the sand so noone is confused. 




 

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lacey · click click click said the horse. ♥️♥️
September 28th, 2021 11:12:03am
80 Posts

I so appreciate this topic.




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤
September 28th, 2021 8:14:01pm
2,766 Posts

I'm glad you liked it, Lacey!! 




 

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Eyre ⋄ thru it all, my eyes are on you
October 1st, 2021 10:52:55pm
8,285 Posts

I'm not very good at boundaries, either. I don't like conflict, so I am apt to back-peddle on my boundary once I've set or tentatively put it out there. Something my therapist and I were discussing this week about boundaries, you don't have to agree or like another person's boundary; but it's their boundary and they have every right to set one; I have trouble judging my sister's boundaries to be walls when she says they are boundaries; it's hard to love or be kind to her despite your misgivings. 




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Abeille {MAIN} Draught horses are calling again!
January 8th, 2022 7:22:34am
162 Posts

I'm not great at setting boundaries either. I think I have trouble with them because I have a disability. I am so used to having people having to do things for me because I "can't do them for myself" (especially as a child). So I kinda feel like I'm obliged to allow certain people to step over my boundaries (ie family). I've definitely put up with more from friends than I really wanted to because I let their mental health issues take over my life, and caused mine to escalate. You know, the boundaries when you're there for everyone else's issues and they don't bother returning the favour for you.... but you keep allowing it because you'd rather see yourself hurt than them! Yeah, that! lol. In 2021 I worked much harder to be strict about my boundaries. Got rid of 3 "best friends" and have been more unapologetic when it comes to sticking up for myself against my parent's unreasonable standards.




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