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MHM: Doomscrolling & Difficult People

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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤 Fly High, Angel Moose
November 29th, 2021 3:27:10pm
2,770 Posts




Good Afternoon Fellow HP Mental Health Lovers!

I hope that you had a safe and relaxing holiday weekend! I know the holiday season isn’t exactly easy for all of us and it can be really stressful for some. So, just know that I am always here for you!

Today, I was going to speak about dealing with difficult people as that is part of the holiday season. But, I also wanted to speak about “Doom-Scrolling” or dissociating as a way of escapism from stress.

So, BUCKLE UP! It’s gonna be a long read today because I am going to touch on BOTH topics!

Let’s crack into it! With the holiday season already in full force, we are dealing with a lot of difficult people : co-workers in bad moods, customers with lack of patience or in bad moods, family members causing stress, holiday season expectations causing stress, holiday season fireworks causing PTSD flashbacks and stress … to just name a few.
Thanksgiving, Kwanza, Hanukkah, Christmas, Yule… whatever holiday that you celebrate can be a wonderfully fun time! But, it can also come with a lot of stress, anxiety, depression, PTSD.. any number of things. It’s a lot. So, seriously - if you need help, Reach out. We are all here for you! I’m willing to bet that every single player on this game would go out of their way to help you if you needed it.

So, how do you cope? How do you deal with the stress and with difficult people?
Well.. a lot of us turn to escapism methods to cope with the stress. Some of them are perfectly fine - like going for a hike or walk, reading a book, running off to Starbucks for some caffeine. That’s perfectly fine! But, it becomes concerning in excess. When you start “doom-scrolling”. Everything in moderation right?

So, what is doom scrolling then? The Washington Post has this short article on it  :
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/coronavirus-doom-scrolling-stop/2020/07/29/2c87e9b2-d034-11ea-8d32-1ebf4e9d8e0d_story.html .

“Doom scrolling” is when you start mindlessly binging information. Maybe you are spending hours upon hours of reading articles about the pandemic and sickness going around or maybe you are like me and have lost track of time mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok instead of doing dishes and such! It happens. It’s very easy for us to get lost in the scroll on our phones.


 


This article from the BBC talks more about how doomscrolling can be unhealthy : https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210226-the-darkly-soothing-compulsion-of-doomscrolling .

It’s okay to scroll through and read things. Not all of the media that we consume is positive unfortunately. But, being aware of how much negative news/media you are consuming and how it is effecting you is important. That stress and anxiety from reading/viewing so much negative news/sources can affect you. So, make sure that you are checking in with yourself!

TLDR (Too long, didn’t read) Psychology on Youtube has a short 3 minute video about Doomscrolling and the effects that it has on you : https://youtu.be/vVv9QetB3Q0 .


So, I talked about escapism earlier. I found this awesome TedTalk (is it a MHM if I didn’t share a TedTalk) that is only 6 minutes that discusses escapism versus avoidance :
https://youtu.be/G4PUFn0r0O8 .

He talks about the importance of escapism and how it can allow us to take a short break and then jump back into things refreshed versus avoidism.

Changing topics because I don’t want to bore you to tears on just one subject - Dealing with Difficult People. They’re everywhere unfortunately. On our social media, on our phone calls, on our netflix movies, on our video games, in our workplace, in our life, in the store … difficult people unfortunately exist everywhere sometimes. So - how do we deal with them? How do we combat that negativity?
While I’d love to say wiggle your fingers and tell them “Hocus Pocus, out the door you go! Goodbye forever!” Life isn’t that easy. We unfortunately cannot just make them disappear like a good magic trick. So what do we do?

Well, Mr Jay Johnson is here to give us a short chat, 15 minutes, about what we can do:
https://youtu.be/kARkOdRHaj8 .
He is hilarious and hits all of the notes that I would touch on, but he sums it up much better than me! So, give him a listen - trust me on this!

Now of course there are a MILLION self help books with tips and tricks on how to handle these situations and while there are tons and tons of different ways - you have to find the way that works for you!
Here are my few tips:
1. Remember to set your boundaries. 


2. Do your best to stay calm.
3. If you can, try to be kind and come at the situation with compassion.
4. Ask for help when you are able.
5. Pick your battles. Know when to give up/walk away.


Now, here is the list from someone who is trained : Barbara Markway via PsychologyToday.com : https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201503/20-expert-tactics-dealing-difficult-people .


I hope that this helps! I hope that maybe some little nugget from all of this will help you to survive this holiday season. Remember, if you need to vent - go let it all out in my anonymous google doc that’s linked on other articles I have posted in previous weeks. Also, slide on in to my DMs! If there is one thing I love, it is giving advice and trying to help. I may not have a license, but I can give advice! (Just remember that my advice should not be the sole advice you take. If you are able get professional advice.)

Secondly, remember that there are a lot of really great hotlines and websites and ways to reach out to get help outside of me/HP. I’ve listed them in numerous articles before as well and they are only a quick google search away! If you need help finding one that fits your specific needs - come through my DMs! I’ve got you!

Finally, some reminders for you. You are loved. You are valued. You are valid. You matter. You are important. You are fun and caring and kind and lovely. You are beautiful, handsome, stunning! You belong. I am proud of you.

Happy Holidays! See you back on December 13th for another MHM !

Love always, Sat.




 


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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤 Fly High, Angel Moose
November 29th, 2021 3:27:32pm
2,770 Posts

This was a long one, but a good one! Seriously, give those Tedtalks a listen!! 




 

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Eyre ⋄ thru it all, my eyes are on you
December 3rd, 2021 8:38:41pm
8,285 Posts

Hey, thanks for this topic! I literally was "doom-scrolling" yesterday and some of today. I think my "doom-scrolling" is more like future-tripping and playing out scenarios in my head accompanied by unhelpful dialogue. Doom-scrolling started when I wondered what the difference was (if any) of trying actively to numb out versus already feeling numb and empty. I struggle with avoidance A LOT. So much anxiety, so much fear, so much worry about other people's reactions. It is very hard to stay present in my physical and spiritual body when I am caught in a worry storm. In theory, I know all about mindfulness, breathing, yoga, taking walks, etc. but have yet to find something that really speaks to me in regards to calming techniques. If I may ask, what are your go-tos for mindfulness or calming techniques? I need an idea for something that I can pick up and grab whenever and wherever and that doesn't take a lot of time or preparation to "set a mood of calm." Visualizing a calm place sometimes works for me. Other times, I feel I need physical pressure to keep myself from dissociating. 


Not really sure what I'm trying to say, here. Just wanted to say "thanks" for being faithful with these topics and getting info out there. "Courage, dear heart. Courage."




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤 Fly High, Angel Moose
December 4th, 2021 9:51:57am
2,770 Posts

Hey Eyre! I completely get that. I dissociate quite a bit due to my anxiety (and more than likely undiagnosed ADD). 
I do grounding or something physical usually when I'm getting really out of body feeling. So taking a walk outside with my dogs, squeezing my squishmallow, sometimes even taking a shower. Anything that kind of physically reminds me that I am actually *here*. 
I agree - I know all the techniques: yoga, meditation, music, visualizing, etc. And I honestly still don't have all the answers because for me it varies so much it's hard to pin down the best technique. But usually anything that involves physical touch snaps me out of it. 

For calming - usually music and breathing. Most of my anxiety triggers revolve around not being able to breathe (I won't go into why as to not trigger anyone). So, sitting down and breathing slowly and being very aware. Sometimes I have Steph sit with me and hold my hands while I breathe. There is a gif of a triangle that expands and collapses in the time with your breathing, so I watch that to help me slow down too. 

I hope this helps some! I'm so glad that you enjoy these! I really love doing this because I just want to help everyone. I want to see everyone succeed! 




 

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NEKE ♥ here lies a monster
December 10th, 2021 5:59:20pm
9,886 Posts

I... doomscroll.  A LOT.
I did not realize what exactly it was but oh mannnn.




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Eyre ⋄ thru it all, my eyes are on you
May 24th, 2022 12:24:08am
8,285 Posts

Coming back to this post, again: I've got this one really difficult family member--an older sister whom I desire to have a genuine relationship with and just finished this long text with about coming to visit her and my worries and fears about doing so when we haven't physically talked on the phone, person-to-person, in almost a year.... Her "boundary" has been just texting, but she didn't tell me about this boundary until a couple weeks ago. And I hate text because I've just tried to convey something with meaning and love and compassion, kindness about my worries of meeting up when we haven't had verbal contact for a year and the punch to the gut of defamation of character and such the opposite reaction of what I had intended just...... 


So I'm back to this post and your top tips, Sat, as below. How the heck do you know when to give up and walk away when they're blood related and they still treat you like shit!?!?!!! I want to know the whys but I know that isn't likely. I just feel like a soggy stick of gum dashed against the curb in a slosh of rain.... My heart hurts so much right now. 


Here are my few tips:
1. Remember to set your boundaries. 


 


2. Do your best to stay calm.
3. If you can, try to be kind and come at the situation with compassion.
4. Ask for help when you are able.
5. Pick your battles. Know when to give up/walk away.




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🖤 Fly High, Angel Moose
May 24th, 2022 10:56:59am
2,770 Posts

Eyre, believe it or not.. I know EXACTLY how that feels. I just went through this with my Father in Law. Theres a lot of trauma there for me and my wife, my mother in law, sister in law... the whole family has been abused by him basically. 

Last year, we finally set a boundary. We blocked him from every form of contact and essentially blocked him from our lives because he refuses to acknowledge the damage he has caused and until he owns up and takes responsibility to get help and make a real change - we are not allowing him in our lives or to know about what goes on in our lifes. For our sanity and our safety. 

I think it is the hardest to set those boundaries and "quit" when it's a blood relative or someone you consider family. Because family shouldn't hurt you. They should be there to support you and show you compassion. 

I'm proud of you for setting the boundary! For choosing yourself. 




 

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