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Mental Health: How Do I Deal?

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Dakiti ❖
May 17th, 2022 12:09:19pm
180 Posts

As many of you know, I am actively going through a divorce. I have spoken with a few of you via messages about more of the detailed portions of events that have taken place. My anxiety and depression is through the roof! I am taking medication to help, but I feel like they are not helping like they were before. 


I had court on the 12th, to determine custody of our child and who stays in the marital house. Long story short we went back and forth on everything from 0900 - 1400 (9am-2pm). I was told that even after presenting some gruesome evidence of abuse and gang association, that there was absolutely NOTHING I could do to keep my soon to be ex-husband from taking our son to Chicago where he had decided to reside. He will be living with his sister, her husband and two little girls. I literally cried when my attorney told me what the judge had said. Whats worse, is he said it had to be more than a week at a time but no more than a month. 


We are talking about a 2 year old with an active VSD (heart issue). It was originally going to be 10 days out of the month, but now it is the first 2 weeks of every other month starting in June. I just hate it so much. I'm worrying because 1. His family are huge alcoholics and 2. I KNOW are gang affiliated. 3. They teach their own children bad habits (like ghetto dancing, acting like a hooligan, etc). 4. Even when driving they do not even restrain their children correctly. None of them have the ability to be "good parents" in my opinion because they all put having a good time over the safety and well-being of their children. 


Now, he left to Chicago after court - which means I am in the marital home with my son. My son and I were napping when him and his sister got to the house. He loaded up his things into the car and then kissed our son goodbye and left. I have not heard a WORD - no text, calls, video chats or anything regarding his son. Not even to ask if he needs anything or if he is okay! This makes me soooo mad! Because he sat there and told his laywer and everyone else that he was the sole provider for his son and that his son was his "everything" - that he was the main caretaker. 


He is supposed to buy a new carseat for the travel. He is responsible for all travel costs for him and our son. But for now, he will not be paying child support because he asked to keep it to cover costs of travel. I just don't even know how to deal with this. The first week of June is fast approaching and all I can do is worry about what is going to happen to my son and who he is going to be with. If he is going to be safe.... 


I'm having nightmares and vivid dreams. Last night I dreamt of a snake attacking... It just messes with me any way it can. I have been blocked by him and all his sisters on all social media, etc. The crappy part is - it says we are only allowed to contact between the hours of 6-8pm. I wanted it to be open but was told that there had to be a time so one of the other isn't harrassing the other parent during "their time". I hate not being able to check up on my child. Especially knowing he isn't going to tell me how our son is... cause he will probably be leaving him with someone so he can go out and party. 


 


I really wish I had the money to hire a PI to watch him. But they charge like $250/hr and I just don't have the funds since my wonderful *insert sarcasm here* soon to be ex had DUMPED all the bills on me. I paid almost everything anyways, but now, I am taking on an additional $300-400/mo so my entire check is spent. All while he will have about $1200 leftover to do whatever he wants with. I guess he doesn't realize that whatever he does to me... affects our son too.... I am just down and out.


 




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etiqueta {canis panthers}
May 18th, 2022 4:20:45pm
419 Posts

I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. Big hugs your way.


I don't understand the not paying child support bit. My husband got a chunk taken off his child support amount for travel expenses because the mother doesn't drive and he has to drive from Indiana to Kansas for visits, but he still has to pay child support. He should still be financially responsible so that's bull.


I hope your baby stays safe and that things will turn around for yours and his benefit.




 

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Dalmuria
May 18th, 2022 5:07:15pm
36 Posts

I don't have mich advice to offer as I am not a mother or have never been through what you're going through marital side, but I wish you the best for your and your child.


Know that HP is a safe place. ♥




 

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* Lakra main
May 18th, 2022 5:49:15pm
271 Posts

Keep tabs on every little thing. So if/ when you go back to court you have everything you can. Any changes with your kid. How he or his family treat you when calls and what nots are happing. Any thing you hear that happens in the area hes in that isnt normal. Or is related to his safety. I hope your have someone in the area that can be kinda an keep an eye out go too




 

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Dakiti ❖
May 19th, 2022 1:39:34pm
180 Posts

I am keeping records. He finally called last night for the first time. Only took him about a week. Pshhh.... and he didn't even ask how he was doing or if he needed anything. I mean, why would he? He doesn't care. 


Unfortunately, I don't know anyone in the area that he lives in that could keep an eye out. Chicago is a terrible place that is always having shootings and murders and what not. He's really in a bad location. sigh* I haven't heard from my lawyer when there is going to be another case. I really do want full custody. But it's almost impossible to obtain full custody. Maybe once I collect data like him not calling or anything, I can try and persuade the judge to have HIM come down to visit him instead of him going all the way up there. I mean it would be cheaper for him to come vs. fly down, get him, bring him back and then leave to go back home. Not that I care that he is wasting all his money.... 


But I'd much rather him be safe here. But I really don't think there is anything I can do physically or legally and it kills me everyday... because everyday he is a day closing to having to go to Chicago. :'(




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🏳️‍🌈💕 Graphics Open, Coding Open
May 19th, 2022 2:52:31pm
2,813 Posts

One of my friends went through this and ended up getting sole custody. 

TRACK everything. Write every single date, phone call, meeting - any time that he is supposed to care for or have your son and doesn't - write it down. 
Every bill that is supposed to be paid or split - write it down. 

Create a phsyicall, written log. Because he said/she said doesn't work in court. But paper trails do. 

Do everything that you are supposed to do to create a history showing that you are the sole provider and caretaker. 




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Dakiti ❖
May 19th, 2022 2:58:16pm
180 Posts

I am so thankful for you guys. I glad I can talk to everyone on here and have support. What sucks is supposedly hacked into my computer and wrote what I had written on one of the other forums... Idk if he took a screenshot of that or not, but it's like nothing is/was safe with him. Thankfully he is no longer in my house and I have changed the locks. 




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Eyre ⋄ love is love 🌈
May 24th, 2022 12:10:16am
8,345 Posts

I have no advice or solutions. I just wanted to put in that I hear you, validate you, and hold you in my heart. I know some of the trauma of dealing with courts and custody and opposing sides with their lawyers working against you. And I know the pain and heartache of familial shit. It SUCKS. period. But for what it is worth, if it is worth, you have my love and strength in these dark and oppressive days. 




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Maharet : Uvalde 💔
May 24th, 2022 10:21:50am
2,462 Posts

there are call recorders, its either a monthly charge or a year but its worth its weight in gold




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Content Moderator Saturnia 🏳️‍🌈💕 Graphics Open, Coding Open
May 24th, 2022 10:58:18am
2,813 Posts

With Call Recorders.. depending on state.. be careful with those! If GA is anything like SC - recorded calls without consent/knowledge can be a sticky one. 




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ioGIZ5S Fly High, Angel Moosetress !

 

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Dakiti ❖
May 24th, 2022 12:27:49pm
180 Posts

Yeah, I am not really sure about the recording of the calls here in GA. I'll have to look into it and see. I messages my lawyer yesterday with some questions, so hopefully he will get back with me on that. My anxiety grows day after day knowing June 3rd is fast approaching for him to take him to Chicago. Lord, I need calming. 


His father called last night. The video call lasted less than 5mins. His son had ZERO interest in speaking with him. Go figure. He isn't involved in his life anymore... well he never really was anyways. Going to suck for him when his own son doesn't want anything to do with him. I can't control that though. 


 


I am thankful for all of your guy's support and I will continue to update you on how the case/trial goes as things happen. 




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etiqueta {canis panthers}
May 24th, 2022 6:25:14pm
419 Posts

One of my friends is currently facing a felony charge for "eavesdropping" soooo definitely be careful with that and know your laws beforehand.


And absolutely keep track of anything and everything!




 

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Dakiti ❖
May 24th, 2022 6:28:03pm
180 Posts

Yeah, I'm not trying to go to jail... AGAIN!

Long story short - my soon to be ex, sent me to jail in October of last year.... cause he gaslit the hell of out me and then played the victim. o.O When I get done feeding, I'll have to tell you all the story. I'm sure you will all get a kick out of it. I'll make sure it's in the edits. haha




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Dakiti ❖
May 25th, 2022 9:00:48pm
180 Posts

VENT TIME! 


 


So 30 minutes before 8pm, this duechebag decides to text me to talk to our son via video chat. Of course, I let him... he came on holding a new puppy (trying to buy his son's attention). As if THAT was really going to work... so when he was ready to hang up, I asked him if he bought tickets already. "Don't worry about it, I don't have to give you that information..." was his response. Are you effin kidding me?! YES YOU DO! God he pisses me off so much I want to crawl through the phone and strangle him! He's an IDIOT. I also asked if he purchsed a NEW car seat because this was LITERALLY in the temporary orders that he either buy ME a new carseat or buy HIMSELF a new car seat... and every other question regarding our son he complete tip toed around and didn't answer. I made sure that I texted him so there was proof... and of course his response is "I'll have to talk to my lawyer..." 


 


Yeah you go do that bud because he's literally going to tell you that you have to tell me. You guys, HOW THE HELL DO I COPE WITH HIM TAKING OUR SON TO CHICAGO? I KEEP THINKING ALL THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!! There is literally no way I can prove that he is sleeping at his sisters, or that he is going to keep him safe in a carseat of whatever!! *cries uncontrollably* 




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Dakiti ❖
May 31st, 2022 9:55:47pm
180 Posts

It's been over a week since I have asked for a travel itinerary... and NO ANSWER still. I can't sleep at night. I am waking up several times a night, and also have very bad night sweats now literally to the point where I have to change my clothes. With everything that is going on the world and things that have happened in Chicago, it literally has be terrified. :(




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f.allen - THE RETURN OF PAARTHURNAX
May 31st, 2022 11:58:09pm
31 Posts

I do agree. RECORD EVERYTHING. write every single thing down. Fill notebooks. My friend got FULL custody of his son after 3 years. His wife was the same. She would leave their 4 year old son with a complete stranger so she could go party. A STRANGER. not even a babysitter. Like a "I met you 5 minutes ago, here watch my kid" way. 




 

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