background;
I was given a 3 day old kitten 3 years ago and bottle fed him, fast forward 2 months he starts having siezures. He was put on diazapm to help control them (which it does) and was diagonesed with having toxoplasmosis (we are planning on trying to another kid so this is a big no no) or something of the sort but couldn't get a deffinate diagonses unless we traveled 2 hours and spent 2-3k on testing. We decided against this due to fiances (he was suppose to be an foster adopt out) and decided to keep him and make him as comfortable as possible while he lived with us. The vet gave him 6 months max. Fast forward 3 years he is still with us.

He doesn't have much control over his back legs, which in turn means he falls on his head quite a bit (we have tile).
He also doesn't use a litter box (he has 4 to choose from) and hasn't since the siezures started. 
He is now confined to the back part of the house (all tile) and I have to mop/bleach 2-3 times a day (and pick up poop amd it still smells of amonia).
Since he has nerve damage and can't walk he usually falls into it and thus spreads it everywhere and it soaks his coat, he gets 3 baths a week.
Its not healthy for him or more importantly for myself, the kid or the mr to be breathing it in or walking into a home or even waking up and being hit with cat pee smell. We basically don't even use the part of the house the cat stays in because of sanitary reasons.

I know we want to put him down but at the same time I feel like I will get critizied because its a "selfish" (not really) reason. I am just tired of constantly having to clean and its not really fair that the he doesn't get as much socilation as he really should. We don't really have any special needs rescues here so thats not much of an option. Not to mention our regular rescues are full to the brim and he would be taking a spot away and resources away from a healthy adoptable animal. 

Just needed a place to talk and put thoughts to paper I guess. 

Edit:
I also feel like ill get critizied taking him in because he is full of life and what not, but still misrable at the same time 

I feel your pain. Maybe you could adopt him out yourself. Post an ad in the shelters, newspapers, other ad websites and post that he is a special needs kitty but have strict qualifications to who he goes to. Then tell them you will have follow up visits to check on him, or offer to take him back if it becomes too much of a hassle. If its as bad it sounds, no shelter will keep him. They will more than likley put him down. I honestly dont know what I would do if I was in your shoes. Im so sorry Maha!

My city has a HUGE overpopulation problem so shelthers arent an option really and like I said its not really fare to a healthy cat that could be saved either. 

I basically know what I want to do its just lame basically since I did bottle raise him.

I'm sure I'll get some flak for this...

If it were me I would euthanize.  His quality of life doesnt' sound overly amazing (not due to you, of course, but due to his health) and I am certain he is unhappy with his life in his lack of mobility.  If might be different if treatment were already outlines but the git is, you could wind up spending thousands more on testing to no avail.

In the end, sometimes animals need us to make those decisions in their stead.  :(

That makes it an all the more a tougher decision. If you think its for the best, I wouldnt blame you. You've done everything you could for him (a lot more than other owners would). 

thanks neke, pretty much how I feel but then at the same time I'm like

I could figure out a diaper system for him, bathe him more so we could hang out more with him

I do A LOT but still feel like I should be doing more, and I am semi part of my rescue community and pretty sure ill get flack for not doing "more"

But then I also need to think of my family now and future family, new borns and cat pee are a no no and cleaning cat pee/poop while prego is a no no, and it falls on me since the mr is gone on the road

As much as animals and rescues are important...

There is a quality of life line.

We've had animals on diapers and it is harder than human babies :(

And like you said, theirs the handling it while pregnant/young kids...

Its hard.

I put diapers on my dogs when they go in heat and they get out of them quickly so I'm sure your kitty could wiggle free too. seizures, even on meds, are dangerous. Every time he has one brain cells die and he loses more control over his body. There comes a point when putting them down is the nicest thing you can do. Finding another home could be done but there aren't many people out there that what to clean cat pee/poop like you have done. In the end it is up to you. Have you talked to the vet about this?

Im gonna have to agree with the euthanizing. It doesnt seem fair to let him live with limited mobility and him falling head first into his own feces.

I know its hard, but to me it seems like he is suffering and im sure if you guys cant take the ammonia smell, how can he?!

We have an old cat who doesnt use a litter box either, so she ends up goin on the carpet in the cattery, shes starting to use the outside a bit more and we have also thought about euthanizing her because she is old and its gross that she chooses to go where ever shes at, but it coukd also be that she cant control it anymore...its hard deciding whether or not to do it...

I would say to euthanize. I've had a few animals with similar issues where their quality of life wasnt what it should or could be. At that point, they just are not living comfortably. 

You could adopt him out yourself, or euthanize. I'll be praying for y'all, I know how painful that can be. 

Haven't talked to the vet yet, wanted to get an unbiased perspective first from people "I didn't know" 

we will most likely be calling Tuesday or Wednesday to make an appointment. I thought I wanted to wait till his meds were done but the more I think about it the more I don't want to prolong a decision I have already made. Not to mention the smell 

In the end it's not healthy for you and your family and definitely not healthy for him.

Cats with severe cerebellar hypoplaisia often can't walk or get into a litter box and their owners have had success both with puppy pads in place of a litter box and building basic walkers. Even my mild CH cat occasionally needs uh. Some help cleaning up after herself after falling into her messes. 

If you're really torn on euthanasia you can try reaching out to specialty rescue groups online. I'm in the cerebellar hypoplaisia one and many of those owners are also familiar with seizures and mobility disorders and may have better luck getting you in touch with a potential adopter or rescue. Even transportation.

Honestly he sounds a lot like a severe CH cat, as their mobility issues are often mostly in their back legs and it's not uncommon for CH to be comorbid with seizures and other neurological disorders. I understand the desire to euthanize and the decision is ultimately yours, I just think the cerebellar hypoplaisia cats and kittens group may be able to help him find a home better prepared for a special needs cat. It ain't easy, and my girl is only mildly handicapped.

Link Tree

It is really hard. But I personally think with animals like what you've described the kindest option is euthanasia. Unless you can find someone who has cats like him I would be seriously wary of adopting him out as you have very little control as to what happens after he leaves your care. 

Diapers are a viable option but they can sometimes lower their quaquality of life if he is already having mobility issues. 

Have a chat to your vet and see what they have to say. In terms of the rescue people they can't judge if they where unailing to take him in themselves. Sometimes it is the only viable option - as hard as it is. If i where in your position I'd look at contacting the CH groups as Chao suggested because personally I am someone who likes to know I did all I possibly could. But in saying that I wouldn't judge you in the slightest either way. *hugs* it's an impossibly difficult situation. 

This is a really hard decision to make. I'm sorry :(. I think it's a good idea to try the rescue groups first, not a local one, but maybe reach out by phone or online. I suggest this because it sounds like you may not be totally decided on euthanasia and it may be a good alternative.

THAT BEING SAID, I am a big believer in knowing when it is time to go and euthanizing. You're the ONLY PERSON who can make that decision, not the vets, not anyone because you know the animal. My first horse, who I had had for 10 years, who I loved, and who was always a tad crazy bit me and tore a chunk of my chest out last October (she was 21 at the time) because she had gotten so miserable. And here was this horse, full of energy, full of life, was 21 and looked 7, but I knew that it was time to go because she was just not happy (and also dangerous, but that doesn't apply here). And I have not even once regretted the decision. I miss her, of course, but it was the right thing to do.

Another idea is to maybe reach out to the local vets. And tell them the story about the cat's issues and the cat's needs and that you are thinking that euthanasia may be best but you are not entirely sure. They may be able to recommend someone who wants handicapped cats, or recommend a treatment plan which is acceptable to you/your lifestyle/budget, or they may recommend that the cat be euthanized in which case you will maybe feel a bit more secure in that decision?

I know it wasn't exactly clear in my post but the only person who really knows the situation is you. If you think it's time it's his time. You've been his momma for the past three years and you've done so much more than most would have the courage to.

The only reason I stressed reaching out to non local groups online is because I own a handicapped cat myself and helped a litter of kittens not terribly different from him get rescued from Detroit by one rescue, nursed back to health then moved to an out of state rescue that was equipped for several severe CH kittens (also could not walk, could not get into a litter box, done couldn't even feed themselves yet), then adopted across at least two more different states. It does sound like you're not sold on the idea and it's an option that I know is out there. Even if it sounds totally impossible, there's a community out there that will try to do everything for cats like him. 

Link Tree

from what my vet said he is 90% sure its the toxo sadly (blood tests that he could do pointed to it) and not ch (the 10%) from what ive read ch kitties stay the same pretty much, he has good and bad days, more bad as of late (luckily not seizure bad) 
He also has no issue using the litter box he just chooses not too and thats what is really driving me crazy.

We have changed boxes (all kitten height), litters and all and he will either pee right next to it in the room they are in or on the complete oposite side of the house, or where ever he feels like it (hes not neutered either as the vet wasn't even sure he would live to be old enough or even be able to handle going under)

Peep has her moments. Sometimes she's fine. Other times she's a drunken sailor. The CH group is pretty welcoming to other neuro kitties, especially ones in an emergency situation.

Link Tree