Hello again, long time no login... 

For those of you who don't know me, I have played HP for a little over 4ish years now and have been gone for like the last two years, I believe. Could be longer. I don't keep track of anything anymore as the days just seem to just run together. I just kind of want to take this time to vent on some things that have been going on in my life. I'm currently in a depressive state and I'm not exactly sure of how my life is going to look moving forward. 

So, for starters... this year has already been rough. For those of you that know me and a little of my background, know that I have a young son who I share custody with. His "dad" (in the nicest terms possible), lives in Chicago and left us a few years ago and drug me through the ringer during our divorce last year. We were married Dec. 2018, and officially divorced March 4th, 2024 - with us being seperating and fighting it out in court two of those years. Anyways, I'll spare you all the details of the crappy things I had to agree on just to get the divorced finalized. 

Fast forward - my son started school last year. His "dad" made it to where he would have him for each and every school visit whenever there was one (I only agreed to this because I knew he wouldn't get him), and for one month consecutively in June. We also rotate the holidays. As you know it's summer time, so my son has unfortunetly left to go fulfill his visitation with his "dad" in Chicago. His "dad" truly only sees him on average about once a year. I am so depressed and anxious worrying about his visitation up there for many a reason. His dad loves to party and drink. His parents do not speak English, so while my son is being watched by them while his "dad" works - there is a language barrier. 

I call everyday for peace of mind, but it still doesn't help. Yesterday I had to wait over 4 hours to talk to him because the grandfather doesn't know how to do FaceTime or GoogleMeet for me to talk to my son. Jesse (my son's dad) had told me he'd be with him around 8pm his time (I am an hour ahead) - and I didn't hear anything for an hour after that and FINALLY was able to call a little after 10 my time. I was very aggravated. *sigh* Being a mom, I just can't help but feel I have failed my child because he doesn't deserve to be put through all that traveling to be with people who he barely sees or knows. He comes back June 22nd which is, I feel, I long ways away.... 

Obviously, I am in the works of trying to get a lawyer to change the custody agreement. However, I know that is going to be hard to do for many reasons. There are so many laws and things in order that you have to prove. Even though I have two plus years of documentation and screenshots, no one I feel can guarantee what I want - which is, if his "dad" is going to visit him, it should be done in Georgia where we reside. 

In other things that have gone on this year and part of the end of last year... 

I started an insurance claim on one of my horse barns from the Hurricane that came through. It's half completed. I haven't heard from the contracter in about two weeks. Last I spoke with him, he was going to come out and finish the roofing that weekend we spoke but never showed. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt because I know things happen in life that we cannot control. He had confided in me that his daughter (who was pregnant) had gotten into a car accident, his crew had quit him and stole the majority of his work tools and pawned them. He did saw he got them back... and was on the look out for hiring more workers... so like I get it, but the least I ask is to be in touch with me and if you say you're going to come out then keep your word, and if you can't let me know... so I have to get back up with him and find out what's going on. I'd like to have this barn completed before this Hurricane season starts up in August... 

Shortly after starting the barn repairs, my AC unit goes out. I spent a week trying to call up people and get prices for a new AC. I am a single mom in an active bankruptcy, so trying to do financing I already knew was going to be out of the question. Thankfully I did finally talk to someone who came out and gave me a quote. We wound up talking for a few and he had noticed the tattoo I had and asked if I was a veteran. I told him I was and we kinda talked it up for a few before discussing prices and such. I was very straightforward and blunt with him in saying that I wasn't sure if I could afford outright buyout because I was in a bankruptcy. Turns out that guy actually owned the company and made a deal with me to do special in-house financing so he didn't have to run my credit. Talk about relief. So we came to an agreement and had it installed. Now I'm in debt for 3 years. It never ends XD *sigh*

Phew... now on to the relationship aspect. I believe I have finally found my soulmate. There is a local fair that is hosted every October in our town. They have a petting zoo, rides and most people just attend the demolition derby on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I went out on my bike one night and saw a Marine walking in uniform and thought maybe he had waved me over since he saw me on my bike. I went over and stopped, flipped my helmet visor up and watched the hilarious express on his face change from "whats up.." to like "OOOHHH, so you're a GIRL DRAGON!" ahaha. Long story short, me and this guy (Nic) hit it off, went and hung out and few times and now have been dating for quite some time. He is a good bit younger than me, but it the sweetest more caring man I have ever met. He loves my son just as much as he loves me and it is truly amazing to be with someone who actually cares about your wellbeing vs just themselves. I cannot praise this man enough. I thank God for leading me to him that night. This has been like one of the only positive things that has happened recently. 

I had started working back at my old job at Tractor Supply about 10ish months ago. I just put my two weeks in because when my son gets back, I'll have him for a month and a half before school starts and don't feel it's right for me to ask my mom to keep him while I am scheduled to work. My job said they would work with me, but I feel like I don't get enough time with him anyways because while he's in school, I am working. Then when I get off, I pick him up, go home, cook, clean, feed the animals, start the night time routine, get to bed and repeat for the next day... 

They in a sense, begged me to stay offering me another $1/hr but that still really isn't much... also with all the health issues with my grandmother and stepdad who my mom cares for and takes to and from the doctors all the time - should wouldn't have time to watch my son. My mother and I have a hunch that his work might let my stepfather go with all the work he's missing due to health reasons, and if that's the case my mom will have to pick up a job. He is the only one working in their household right now. So as of right now a temp job from my mom's previous employeer asked her for help and she's getting her old pay to help them out with some things over the summer, so again she wouldn't be able to watch my son... and since I put my two weeks in, I could be available on some days to go help out making double what I make at Tractor Supply. 

It's just a hard decision never know what way things are going to go... my bills will still be paid without me working part time at Tractor. It'll be tight but I now Nic will do anything to help out. Though I don't like relying on others, at all for help of any kind. It's just very depressing with not knowing the future. I actually have a fear of this which causes me great anxiety. Sounds stupid... I know. I just feel I have a lot going on at the moment and I'm trying my best to tread water. 

My boyfriend is the Marines recruiter for this location, and most days I don't feel a sense of direction or purpose in my life. I find myself often reminiscing on the old days when I was in the Corps with all my friends. I've lost a few people I've served with and it just never sits right... it hits different... the most recent lost was a few days before Memorial Day. This man was 30, had a wife and a young daughter... makes you realize that life is short. I just couldn't believe it when I saw it on FB. These people you serve with become more than friends, sometimes more than family. It's a bonded brotherhood for life knowing you can always count on them to have your back. I still keep in touch with many of the brothers and sisters I served with to this day... but it still hurts your heart knowing this. 

Well, I feel I've ranted enough. I don't kow if I got everything off my chest... probably not. So I kind of figured that to try and help get my mind off things I'd try to maybe get back into some premade graphics or what not but my muse just hasn't been there... I think I'll hang around for a little bit but I am unsure if I am still wanting to come back full time to the game. 

Dakiti 

That is quite a busy/hectic first half of the year! Hugs to you and I'm glad you are getting through everything. Happy to see you back in the community < 3 

It quite certainly has been! I am hoping for a peaceful rest of the year with no other "snags". I am doing the best I can. My only goal is to be the best mother I can be to my little boy. He is only young once, and I am going to try and be there for him every second of the day. I want him to grow up knowing I was there and did my best.

Holy moly what a year dude! It is NOT stupid to be fearful of an unknown future. I fear the same every day. You are definitely not alone in that aspect. I'm so so happy to hear that you found a good man. It's amazing what a good partner that truly cares about you can do in the mental health category. My man isn't perfect and has his issues, but he is a good husband that I know truly cares about me and when the world seems dark and heavy knowing he has my back is the flicker of light that I hold onto. But anywho I for one was SO STOKED to see you were back. I love seeing old faces come back to HP, makes my heart happy (: and it makes me happy to have the avi's ive been waiting literally years to ask you for xDDDD I really hope you stick around!! If you ever need anything or just to vent you know where to find me ((:

”Sometimes people think if they love a broken person enough, they can be what finally repairs them, but the problem with that is the other person just ends up broken, too.” -Colleen Hoover

Yes! It really does make the biggest difference. He is literally the voice of reason. I have a pretty level head anyways but sometimes I do get so overwhelmed I can't think straight - and he just doesn't say a word and hugs me, pulling me back down to earth. I am so blessed for him. He gives me hope that I am doing the best and continues to support me in everything I do. I couldn't be more grateful. 🥹 

It really is so crazy you waited that long for some chibis. XD but I'll be here for a little while so you don't have to worry about me running off for a minute. lol I am glad you like them. I truly missed graphic design and now I have a reason to start back into it. I wished I would've never quit. I could only imagine how good I'd be if I hadn't stopped. ;)