Okay, give me your best jokes! Let's go.

Courtesy of my son: What's a cross between a skateboard and an alligator?

An alliskater.

Where's the crying laughing emoji when I need it? 

What do you call a dance party of giraffes in the middle of the street?

A giraffic jam

What's a bees favourite musical?

stinging in the rain

"People tell me I'm condescending..."

Leans in real close

"That means I talk down to people. "

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

a palm tree

A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

^{Why was the cell phone scared to go to the dentist?
He didn’t want him to remove his blue tooth.}

Am I the only one who realizes that blackboards are truly remarkable?

Did you know that ghosts are terrible liars?

You can see right through them.

What do you call a big pile of cats?

meowntain

I once stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went and then it dawned on me 

What do you call a dog that does magic?

A labracadabrador

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!

There was a king once who was 12 inches tall. Terrible king, great ruler. 

What type of sandals do frogs wear? Open toad 

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot 

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? 

Bison

What do you give a scientist with bad breath?

Experi-mints.

I have a pet tree.

It's a lot like having a pet dog, but the bark is much more quiet.