Okay, give me your best jokes! Let's go.

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.

Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.

What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson… He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.

 What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister!

What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts. 

"What did the ocean say to the beach?" "Nothing, it just waved."

What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?

Did you hear the joke about the yoga instructor?

It was a bit of a stretch.

Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Needle. 
Needle who?
Needle little help right now.

What does it mean when you find a horseshoe?

Some poor horse is out there walking around in their socks.

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

The bank keeps calling me to give me compliments. They say I have an “outstanding balance.”